step two--hi, i don't know how to write what i want to write without sounding like i'm in third grade. eh, what the hell.
i like thunderstorms. i realized this today as i was wandering in the rain, each lightning bolt and thunder clap brought me a sense of content. i wore my rain boots, rain coat, and the same pair of jeans i've been wearing all week. i now have a frame of baby curls lining my hair line. i spent time under two different hand dryers contorting myself to un-soak my pants.
but it was all okay. because there was lightning. because there was thunder.
therefore i like thunderstorms.
i've all ready questioned this statement since this afternoon. did i just like the storm because i was walking? was it the adrenaline? because the day surpassed my grim expectations? because i have nothing else?
my thunderstorm didn't hang around all day. and oddly the weather ended up kind of pleasant, kind of gray. i think wednesdays generally turn out this way. maybe it's just because i have class until 5:45.
except i over walked myself today. i'm exhausted, exhausted enough to skip the entrepreneurship club meeting i was supposed to go to 40 minutes ago. i could have stopped, i could have taken a shorter route, i could have taken the elevator, i could have etc. etc.
but i didn't want to. i think i was trying to see if i could walk "enough". enough to be content with it and just let it go. i didn't reach it. i'll never reach it. and i don't stop trying.
the crazy today: i had orange juice with a luna bar for a snack. don't forget the raisins.
irrational rational: a whole banana, raisins, and orange juice, that's a lot of fruit. that's a lot of sugar. too much, too much, too much.
i talked myself down a lot. lots of number crunching. breathing. attempt to remind myself of the goal--gaining.
i refuse to talk myself out of fruit. fruit is real food. fruit is nutritious. i greatly enjoy fruit. fruit has no reason to cause me anxiety.
do you think thunderstorms are beautiful? i do.